I am a criminal. I am a criminal can’t you see. I steal the life away from me. I steal the life away from anyone having a good day. I am bitter can’t you see. I am a no good piece of trash. Maybe I’m being too hard on myself but, I would like to see someone prove me wrong. I have eyes of red that I’ve been drowning out with skies so blue. This concrete’s been mocking me for three days straight and I think that I just might throw up my guts on it. I am happy man. I am happy can’t you see. My proof is this awkward smile chock full of crooked teeth that I’ve been showing to the whole world. Maybe I’ll pack myself a bag. Hit the road for a couple weeks. Get caught up in the windy city with no place to go, without anyone I know. Now that these eyes are blue, I guess this whole in my heart can’t get any bigger. This concrete ended up to be a good companion and I think that I just might keep driving on it.
Sit on a back porch with strangers. Get to know them from their altered minds. Now that we’re all feeling braver we sing our songs of politics and heartache. We’re not looking for a minute of sleep though it’s probably recommended. We’ll play these strings until our fingers break and repeat this again the next night. This cushion has over a hundred friends and I’m more than pleased to meet it. Ray is dancing in the living room. Bill’s laughter is the soundtrack. We’ll shout our lyrics at the moon.
Adjust and then Adjust
I am fighting with myself to lower my nerves from their heightened state. Palms sweat, neck starts to itch, doubled over in pain from my cracking chest. Adjust and then adjust for time/me. Foot down, killing the miles to clear my head of these deafening clouds. Can’t sing any god damn louder. My throat is dry, I could use a drink.
Oh you should lighten up that heavy load. I see that your fragile legs are shaking and I can’t stand it. If you would like, I can lend you my hand. The finger tips are beginning to callous over and the skin is cracking. Why do we live this way when all we want is relaxation? Oh you, need to take a deep breathe. I see that you are feeling tense and frustrated and you need to let it go.
Oh Philadelphia, those foot prints have burned us both. One should not be deemed worthy of a response though it’s been a long time coming. I refuse to hold back this whip of a tongue. Give me the benefit of the doubt. I swear I missed the day that you handed out pamphlets on how to be punk rock to the whole world. I am the stain on your favorite shirt. I am the wrench thrown in the rusty gear we call our scene.
Head to Curb
I walked nine blocks in the wrong direction. My shoes are digging into my heels and it’s much to cold in Gainesville tonight. Now I’m stuck in a parking lot with my head down to the curb wishing for some sleep. My legs don’t have the strength to carry me and I’m all alone in this town with nowhere to go. I wish I was back in Jersey tonight. Eye lids are peeled back wide. Everyone is stranger, everything is becoming stranger. Nerves reach an all time high.
The constant hum is a reminder of the flowing air that nurtures my lungs. As I sit here my eyes are rolling white. I fall face first jolting my nerves to wake up. This place could be the velvet lining to my casket. Gravestone will read “Here’s to the death of living dreams.” Words cut like a knife in the hands of the desperate. I sift through the thoughts like ash. Running in my head in search of a smoldering ember that will spark my will to break free. “Three cheers to a life of routine.”
My foundation is my spine and it struggles to keep me upright. Sunlight dances in half time across my eyelids. I’m awake. Cut the rope to the extra weight and just fall down softly, escape. Dear self I invite you to sleep. Rest assured this vacation is brief and you’ll be back soon. Stereo speakers are screaming loud and my ear drums are forces to swallow the noise. Old wood door creeks open wide. Enter the dogs that will lick my face. I give up no I give in; this just wasn’t meant to happen.
It was Windy
On this September day, I like to think that the wind is your breath and it sends shivers up my spine. My sincerest apologies for not being able to grow up fast enough. Your eyes pour down all over me. I hope that you noticed that I’ve dedicated my back to you. I just couldn’t be a man and provide for you the way I would have wanted to. These are not excuses just the Gods honest truth. It’s hard to distinguish between the two. Perhaps one day I’ll meet you in that better place of a home. We can make up for lost time and I’ll prove to you that I have a heart. I will prove to you that I have a heart.
Salt and spray set the mood for a bitter tasting mouth. Feet hang low teasing the senses. If the envious hands on the clock didn’t steal time away, I might have enough time to wrinkle. These docks will not give way. These docks will support. Bulk heads support the weight of this life that should surely buckle beneath. I paint a picture so unknown to me just from the scent of a breeze that came from a stranger who just anchored down.
Laughing This Off
You’re an itch on my back that my fingers can not seem to reach. So I go one more day carrying my frustration. And I’d love to throw the first punch. The one that draws your blood and I’d keep your teeth as a reminder that I’ve won. But it never works out this way and I’m putting out this fire. I’ll let the steam rise up into the dark sky. I’m laughing this off. I’m laughing this all off. Swallow your language. Choke on the words. My ears are dead to you. And I feel it in my stomach and I want to shake this off, but the knots keep getting in the way. Why can’t I shake this? November, you were hard on me and I’m glad to see you go. Welcome in the new year with friends all around me. And it seemed to work out this way and I’m torching all that’s bad. I’ll let the smoke be a symbol. I’m alive again.
Thanks, But I Can Throw Myself Out
I once said that I would be your armored vest, but it ended being you who gave me the wound. Whoa, how you made me eat those words and now my stomach is full of irony. And you had to find yourself another. And I set fire to all my faith in others.
Save Your Spit
Don’t you forget where you came from. Don’t you forget there’s a bottom to this all. Don’t your forget that no one owes you. Don’t you forget because I wont. I won’t forget that I’m tired and angry. I won’t forget that you made me feel this way. I won’t forget that I pushed myself this far. I won’t forget. Don’t your forget because I won’t.
Welcome To The Sympathy Party
Because it’s easier to turn my back then to face the person I’ve let myself become. I have traded the best parts of me for a few moments of sensation and it won’t last. Sink your teeth in. Always so sour. You spit me out. Search my empty bed. You’ll find regret. Search my faded skin. Words I won’t live up to. Can’t turn to everyone’s easy escape. Influences? I say I have none. I discovered I hate myself.
I’ve carried the weight, but now it’s much too heavy for me. It’s starting to affect my legs. So I’m giving it back. You can have it. You can keep it. Because I just cleared my head. It’s organized so neatly on little shelves that I can reach. Felt it in the guts. I put that feeling far away. You can not see the best of me. No, not today. You’re not haunting me.
Fingers drag across naked body. Eyes, lips, and teeth. What do you see in me? Morning wants to show its jealous face. But for now the night. It keeps us hidden. And I don’t know if this is wrong, but it feels alright. And you should know that right now I feel just fine. Clothes pulled from floor. You’ve seen right through me. I fumble with my words. You choose not to speak. Cylinders and pistons this engine breathes. Drive slow. I’ll take you home. And I don’t know if this is wrong, but it feels alright. And you should know that right now I don’t feel fine. I have knots.
Parade On Me
Water to skin. I try to rinse you off. Like glue to my paper skin. You keep on creasing. Anxiety from the moment communication is established. If I had my own way, I’d keep my mouth shut and so would you. My hands they speak, but they remember how to ache. Like sand in mouth, your words dissolve. They carry no weight.
On The Defensive
It looks like you could use a moment to catch up with yourself. So I lay here in silence. Anger keeps me from using my mouth. You won’t look at my face. So we walk out on all that is safe. I say what I don’t mean. It keeps me from feeling anything. Lately I have been acting so selfish. But I don’t mind. No I don’t mind because it’s best for me. I make myself so damn sick. It’s ok because we’re just growing up. I can’t believe I felt so sorry.
When I feel like I might drown. I put my hands together and I feel like I am a liar. I’ve exhausted my trust in most things and it’s taking a toll on my face. So I dig until I find every last piece of me. There are moments when I pause and I think. Depression songs are all I’ve ever had. These songs of misery and they’re taking a toll on my head.
Don’t Hurry, Christmas
Ribbon runs through your fingers. You wear red better than the season. But don’t hurry up. It’s not the time to wish this gone. Throw tinsel to the sky and get covered in those lights. I’ve got a present that I think you’ll like. So take it from me. A dream walk through the city. You wore a smile. Angelic and authentic. It’s Christmas time again and I know what I want under my tree. If you’re not there when I wake up then I’m going back to sleep.
Cold air makes my bones shake. I thought of you from an airplane when I couldn’t sleep. One thousand eyes, five hundred breathes. The moment you lose control, you put your faith in tin. My stomach is deep blue again. Close your mouth. Fill your lungs. We’ll ride this one in. From this seat you’re looking small, but I’ve got direction, baby. The arrow’s locked. It’s what I’ve been waiting for. Show me that it’s true and real. Don’t let me forget. Make it permanent like a book. Something I could read for days, for years. We could keep it on the night stand.
Shortest Christmas List
Don’t want a new record because I know that it won’t sing phrases that I’d like to hear. Phrases like “I won’t let you down.” Don’t want a new TV because I know that it won’t play scenes of New York city. Scenes of friends on rooftops and free. If I put it on my list will you make sure to keep my friend safe on Christmas. Let him know he’s not alone. I want my own airplane so I could fly to you. I could tell you this in person. I could tell you that “You are strong my friend.” But all I have is this song and I hope that it’s enough to keep you warm in the winter. To let you know that you’re missed in the West.
Tear it off. I caught you smile. The sun soaked through to the bone in a way that warmed your skin. I have these good, good thoughts that keep me on my feet. You won’t have to drag me from the floor anymore. I took my swollen heart and tossed it into the sea. And drowned all the things that made me afraid. I’ll try to keep my head on my shoulders and off of their necks.